I need God today. I need Him everyday, but today I really need Him to be present in my every word, action, and thought. I'm reorganizing and cleaning out. My head and heart that is. I feel so many things right now. Some good things, some not so good things. I am praying for understanding and peace. I am praying that He will help me be the best person I can be. The best friend, mother, daughter, sister, wife. And wife is not last, by all means. I feel betrayed, I have betrayed. I feel alone, I have shunned others. I don't feel worthy. Life is hard. It's not all a bed of roses.
I am so thankful for my God. When I hurt, I know He hurts ten times worse. When I cry tears of pain, I know He cries with me. When I want someone to realize how much I love them and want them to love me back, I can't fathom it, but I know He loves me that way, and wants me to love Him back like that, but millions times more!! When I desire obedience, honesty, and faithfulness, I think about how He does too...
I want to live my life with God visible in every action I take, every word I say, every thought I think. I want to feel that through life's trials, He is walking beside me, holding my hand. He will never leave me, no matter how awful I am. He loves me no matter how mean-spirited I can be. He will comfort me when I simply cry out His Name.
I need God today. And I have Him.