Tuesday, June 22, 2010

a failure??

Embarrassed... I admit to you all that for the last few days I have been out of control. I binged one or two times and chose really junky food that left me feeling toxic and demoralized and strangely enough like eating more of it. Sometimes I get to feeling so badly, that I eat badly, and feel worse, so I eat worse... It's really hard to dig out or even have the desire to dig out. I usually resign myself to failing.
It starts with feeling… feeling badly, so I eat.... Even if I started with eating something I was ashamed of, it was the feeling of shame that kept me going. In other words, an event happened, triggered me to eat, shame followed, which turned into an event itself, so I ate more, have more shame… That’s the spiral.
I also notice that when I’m in a spiral I won’t exercise, eat my vegetables, fruits, or drink my milk. It's like I have a total disregard for my body because I think “Why bother, I'm such a failure.” Then I look over at some piece of tempting food and think “I ate that extra helping of ____. I may as well…”
Here's the change.
Here is where I try and tell myself "If I can say 'I may as well,' I can say 'I may as well not.' "
One slice of pizza is always going to have fewer calories than two. So I try to get a grip and feel a bit of strength coming on, as I remind myself “If I got a traffic ticket I wouldn’t break every traffic law the rest of the day. So why toss the whole day over a slice of pizza or some cookies?"
So here's to a new day. Here's to me, fail or no fail.


  1. That's exacty it, you can't be too hard on your self. So you ate a piece of pizza...it wasn't two. OR a couple cookies...it wasn't the whole bag. OR a slice of pie...not the whole thing. Even if you ate the whole pie...at least it wasn't two. ;) You have to look on the bright side and stay positive. I am struggling to get back in shape after my last baby and I've been feeling myself slip into the negative 'who cares it's never going to work, I'll never have my body back' talk myself. Every time I start focusing on losing weight and what I'm eating too much it just makes it worse. Pick healthy, that's all. Pick healthy, stay active...it sounds simple but it truly is what is the most important thing, keeps us healthy for our family. Oh and forgive yourself...forgive, forgive, forgive.

  2. I fall into that trap as well but you can easily get back on track! Keep your chin up - you are not a failure!

  3. It is so easy to fall into that trap, my friend. I believe we have all been there one time or another, and it doesn't only apply to food.

    May God give us all the strength we need to stay away from those things that we do not need!


  4. Oh, Lisa!!! I just had to respond to this, as what you have said is really bothering me....let me tell you why. What you eat, what you look like, what you weigh (WhatEVER!) are not WHO you are. They are a part of your life. Failure? A failure because you ate something? I think not. I think you ate something. It didn't make you feel good, so you started the spiral, the spiral that WE ALL have felt at times. So, just focus on what makes you FEEL GOOD, and let this part of your life be a PART of it. There are SO MANY parts of YOU. Eating right (define right..) makes you feel good. You have more energy, feel healthier, more vibrant. Sometimes, though, life will throw something at you, and you will have to make a decision about what to do about it. Will that make you a success or failure? No. It will be another decision that will affect how you feel, period. Let me put this another way, if you were talking to your or my sweet girls, what advice would you give them if they had just said they were a failure because they ate something?? I bet you would tell them, "Well, okay. So now let's spend the rest of the day eating and doing things that make us feel better. This is not WHO you are, but it will make you feel better about you when you take care of yourself." Not a big guilt trip. Not a lecture. Just a "Hey, there is more to life than this one thing. I'll support you in any way I can!" That is what you would probably say, and that is what I am saying to you!!! Okay, I'm sorry. I just struggle with this, too, and need to keep the big picture in focus. Sending positive wishes your way!!!!

  5. I do the SAME thing. It's such a hard cycle to break, but it can be broken.
    ((Big Hugs))


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