Thursday, January 14, 2010

You can't Ignore the Inevitable

Sometimes life makes decisions for me, even when for years, I have turned my head the other way, plugged my ears, and simply have been stubborn. I hate that. This is MY life, so I should be in complete control, right?! WRONG. In one year and 3 months, I will be 40. The big 4-0. It's always seemed so far off. I remember when my mother turned 40, and how much I hated it. I didn't want her to get "old". And now, here I am facing it in 15 months. I think the worse part though, is how I don't feel 40. No, I feel more like 45!! The last two months I have just felt so yucky. Fat. Slow. Dragging my feet, pasting on smiles for the most part. I am a true believer in "You Are What You Eat." I think cake, cookies and pie must feel fat, slow, and have pasted smiles then. This sciatica is, I think, one of THE worst things I have been through in a really long time. Three months before I had Little Man via c-section, I had changed my diet so drastically, eating so well, that I was the "H" word through and through: Healthy! I look back and realize how blessed I was to be feeling that way when Little Man was born, because the 5-6 months after his birth, I would need to be in tip-top shape in order to take good care of a preemie with respiratory illnesses. After a while though, I began to go back to my old ways, and looked forward to meals simply for what came after: dessert. I love baking, cooking, eating out, eating in, ordering pizza, going for an ice cream cone, and on and on and on. The pounds crept back on, and I began to feel just plain yucky. Hated to look in the mirror. Didn't want my hubby to look at me "that" way. I don't shop for clothes. I wear my hubby's clothes, claiming it's the delicious smell he leaves in them that I cherish, and try to justify not having to do so much laundry that way! When in all honesty, his clothes are comfortable. (They DO smell really good too though!) So then back to this sciatica. I have seen my doctor twice, and yesterday I went for my first of many sessions with a physical therapist. I was there for 2 1/2 hours. She massaged, stretched, used deep tissue ultra-sound massage, and then hooked little electrodes to my back, and let them work some magic too. All the while, I was thinking, Ahhhh.....can't wait to go home and FEEL GOOD! Didn't happen. I went home, and I hurt so much. I couldn't get comfortable at all last night, and all of this morning, I moaned and groaned on the couch. It is finally beginning to feel better ..for now. Tomorrow I go back to my doctor, and she'll do some more manipulations. And next week, back to the PT. My point in all of this is: Maybe, probably, if I was still feeling healthy, walking, eating right, losing weight slowly but surely, this may have never happened. The PT believes I must have pulled my back somehow, probably catching myself outside on the ice, lifting wood for the woodstove, who knows....something small that pulled just right, and began this nightmare. So today, life made a decision for me. I just finished eating a huge salad. I am not going to drink any juice, or soda anymore, no desserts, and fruits and veggies shall become my best friends again. Fiber Fiber Fiber!! I am going to start walking, even if just a little bit to begin. I want to feel 38 when I turn 40!! So wish me luck, give me advice, keep my accountable, promise?? I mean it! I can't do this alone. I know God will help me too, I just need to have Faith and trust in Him every single minute of every single day.
I don't want to bore you anymore with my aches and pains, so I will probably do "happy" posts for a while, it's been a bit since I've added a picture or two! Thank you in advance dear bloggy friends, for being there for me!
On a different short note, the DiSH is working today. Yay! It's just one job, he's a garage door installer expert, so this guy that he knew who is the general contractor building a house, hired him to do the garage doors. It's a big help. Now if only the phone would ring with more work. A steady job. Do you hear me Lord?
Good day!


  1. You are so right about eating right making you feel better. Hope it goes well for you and that you feel better soon. Hope your therapy works. Glad your DISH had a job on this day. :) God will provide!

  2. I've been feeling horribly fat and unhealthy lately too. It seems like the harder I try to lose weight and eat healthy the worse I do. It's so hard! YOu are NOT alone!
    I hope your sciatica gets better.

  3. Just know that the Lord does hear you. That is why these little jobs keep coming. He also hears and feels your pain. I understand because i have had it since I was pregnant with Blaze and it never went away even thought they said it would. I too am trying to make a commitment to being more healthy. It is hard. It is so easy to do the wrong things. So much more convenient. But it really isn't when we think of what it does to our bodies. I am praying for you my friend and hope you will send up a few for me too. God bless you.

  4. Lisa, I wish you were feeling better. I am praying for it to heal quickly, and completely! I understand the healthy issues...I sometimes wonder why I can't seem to get exercise in, but I can find time to make cookies. Doesn't make sense. I am going to look through my healthy cookbooks and maybe we could share a few recipes that we enjoyed. Sometimes that makes cooking healthy more fun. Hope you are better soon!!!


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